Why I Write

This is my world. I made it because I was scared of the one I was living in. I was scared…

I wrote stories so that I could leave the world I lived in behind. I didn’t want to know of the tragedies or the wars or the evil. I wanted to be at peace. But somehow peace equaled being alone.

I hate being alone.

So why did I crave it?

Ha…maybe the same reason we crave to bad things. We crave to quench that appetite for the things we don’t need. For things that can hurt us.

I wrote stories because I was in control. I could do whatever I wanted and keep bad from happening to me. Even tho bad things did happen to my characters I could still help them. I could be like God for lack of a better example. I could watch them grow and fix the personalities. They became real to me.

But I knew they weren’t. When I looked at my friend, my mind’s eye saw them there. But they were just… not there. I couldn’t see them bc they didn’t exist.

I was so concerned with the problems of the characters and my “friends” that I lost some of the best years of my life.

I could’ve spent time with my family. I could’ve played dolls with my sister. I could’ve been a better example.

I hate 2020 hindsight.

I don’t know what to do with my life.

I’m changing. I don’t know what I want to do…

Is it really my dream? To be a teacher? To write? To be with animals?

What is my dream?

I thought I knew.

I feel so lost.

*sigh*

I gotta stop staying up so late…

I'm trying to break it down.

I'm trying to be who I can be.

I went on an adventure today. Katherine and Perla went with me to the temple. They wore their church clothes and I wore jeans. I brought a blanket and we sat on the temple steps and just talked. We shared the blanket. It was really cold. We were able to look out over the city er town of Logan and the mountains beyond. They were so pretty.

We didn't stay long. We liked being warm and Perla needed to go to the library. On our way to the bus stop, we ran into some Spanish speaking sisters. They were just finishing up a baptism session. We got a ride to the library.

It was a fun library. Very cool kinda like a maze. I really liked it there. We then walked back to the transit center and got on the CVN to get back to the school.

But it turns out none of us can read very well. ^_^ We found out as we went further south that we were on the CVS route. We were then carted along on the bus all the way to Hyrum and back. It was fun nonetheless.

We did finally get back to the school and home. It was a really fun afternoon.

Before hand we had all gone to the church to clean the building. That was fun. Till i dropped a mobile trashcan on my foot. I seriously thought I broke my toe, but as of 11:45 pm, it is still white so it's not broken. :) Yea!! for no broken toes! I don't like braking things.

lol .....

I really hope I can figure this out...

I don't know what I really want to do. At least I'm not surprised about all this.

Someone did tell me that freshman change their minds about 2.7 times on average about their majors. Yeah, thanks Lyons, you're percentages make tons of sense. *rolls eyes*